September 2010 part 2

CONTINUED........

WOOOOOOO what is going happen? Is Nati going to take Cliff over the boarder and leave him in Paraguay selling bread and stealing peoples wallets? Is she sending him back to England? Has she brought him a Xbox 360? Even better than the above! The taxi gets to a road block and there are loads of police and people in Argentine shirts and flags (wearing them as capes). As we get out of the taxi i look at the Estadio River plate and very excitedly say 'are...are...we going to see Argentina vs Spain' Nati looks at me and smiles, hands me the tickets and says 'happy birthday!'. I FORGOT! Its my birthday tomorrow (on that day...not everyday...in fact today is a non-birthday). We walk towards the madness ahead of searches, ticket checks, drum bands, singing and people drinking. We get through the first ticket check and Nati approaches a policeman and asks where we are ment to go and he explains...get there and someone say no not here you need to go over there...get there and they say this is where the Spanish fans are we need to go over there...so we start queuing. I feel so anxious of speaking English next to a load of very over excited Argentine fans. Infact every time i speak everyone in the line looks and stares at me. We get to the front of the the queue and there are 5 guys there who look like they have had enough of tearing ticket stubs (who wouldn't when you've been standing there letting in 5000 or more drunk Argentines and one nervous Englishman). First i go in, get my ticket ripped and wait for Nati. I look back to find Nati having a argument with her the guy ripping the tickets. Well what happened was (yet again) we had been directed to the wrong part of the stadium and the guy ripping tickets wouldn't let her in because we needed to go elsewhere (which ment the same guy who "checked" my ticket had got it wrong) and i cant leave because my ticket had already been ripped so (because he didn't want to get into trouble with his bosses, even though he is doing the worlds most simple bloody job) he let us into the part closer to the pitch! Bullseye!!! 


We get to  pitch side i realise that the chairs are numbered, but Nati reassures me that no-one cares about the numbers (.....) and we sit down. Everyone is in good spirits as the mass of Argentine fans come in! As it gets more and more full i start to notice people looking at there tickets and the seats. So i think if someone wants to sit here they can me and Nati well just get up and move...well...a guy and his kid boy (who was in the same situation as us) start to have a argument with two guys in there twenties about the seats. They start shouting, swearing and pushing untill the two twenty year olds start say they are part of the band (the band are a harder version of a UK football firm. They kill people because of teams they support....well they claim the do...not sure if thats fact) so the child and the guy leave the sits still shouting abuse at the twentie year olds. So me and Nati are now sat in a pact stadium next to two guys saying they are part of the firm and we are in two other peoples seats! I'm now watching all around me looking to see if someone is looking for their seat which we have chosen to steal. The teams come out and i start to relax and then the nation anthems start. To say the Argentines are patriotic is a huge underestimation! Their National anthem starts and everyone starts shouting the anthem loud and proud! But then on the second verse everyone starts to jump and sing as they can....YOU COULD NEVER DO THAT TO THE ENGLISH NATIONAL ANTHEM (and if anyone would ever try it....it wouldn't have the same effect!) and then in the corner of my eye i can see a guy squeezing down the stairs because they are now pact with people who couldn't find their seat or have been evicted from other peoples. The man then looks at his ticket and looks down our row (s**t)! Its almost like weve been swimming  in the sea and just seen a shark fin appear from the water and slowly move towards us! Then (whhhhhhhiiiiissssssttttllllleeee) game starts and the man has given up! PPPPHEEEWWW! The game is amazing! Messi is in a completely different league to everyone else on the pitch! Its like he and the ball are attached! Amazing footballer! I start to feel a bit more relaxed now.The Argentine start singing and its a amazing party atmospher! They start singing one of there regular songs 'EL QUE NO SALTA ES UN INGLES, EL QUE NO SALTA ES UN INGLES!' and the whole crowd starts jumping and singing (translates as 'IF YOU DON'T JUMP YOUR ENGLISH'.....so i dont). Argentina win 4-2 and Messi scored (bonus). We start to walk away from the stadium and Nati is telling me of how scared i looked before the game and i tell her i was completely fine (yeah right) and we catch the bus home. Argentine buses are ten times better than their trains! Clean, tidy, they dont smell and comfier (if you can find a seat) I watch from outside the window the world go by and its starting to get dark. We get home and go to bed and i think 'god ive only been here a bloody day!' whats tomorrow got to bring?

Its my birthday! Me and Nati have a lazy day led in bed watching tv and eating junk food and in the evening we have a huge meal with the rest of her family. We have loads of home made pizza which he brother Matias has made us (Mati doesn't talk to anyone much and keeps himself to himself. Nati and Mati just dont know how to talk to each other and fight alot! Its almost like being a referee in a wrestling ring, just stand and watch as they scream and shout!). I also have been made the worlds biggest chocolate cake with a firework sticking out the top! (don't know if i need to blow it out, get a fire extinguisher or let it burn). On the Saturday Nati, me and her friends have snacks and drinks over ours. (sorry if i dont mention you) First you have Laura and Bachi who are a really cool couple that have been dating for 8 years and are now married (Bachi is a huge sports fan which helps with me and Laura asks questions like 'What is English for BigMac?), Then you have Yani and Cristian (Cristian reminds me of some people back home and is obsessed with football and gave me a bracelet with the colours of Racing Club. So now i have Nati trying to make me River, Cris Racing and Gustavo Boca.....cant i just support Southampton pleassse?) i try to explain to Cristian that Saints were in the premiership and he thinks he says he knows who the are! Then you have Ana and Dario who are lovely (Dario owns his own sweet kiosk........i would be sooooo fat if that were me.....mmmmm chocolate). You have Victoria and Frambo (Frambo has his own music studio! I want a sweet kiosk and a music studio pleasssse for christmas!)...as i said if i havent named you its cause Im like a gold fish and cant remember who was there! 


We then go into town and go to a little night club. In Argentina you cant smoke in nightclubs (but Cristian says when ever he smokes it means i can, hehehehe feeling very punk and feeling like I'm some sort of a rebel) Everyone in the night club is dancing and having fun and there is a fantastic atmosphere almost like a carnival! A reminder to anyone from the UK about drinks in BA is that they serve drinks by the litre so when you think you've drunken a pint its infact almost two which means drinking 4 of these in a hour is not a good idea (and makes you dance like a fool and rip your brand new shirt....like i did) we leave in great spirits and i start to slump up to the McDonalds with Nati, Dario and Ana (jet lag and drunkenness is never a good combo!) We get in the queue and i start chatting to Nati about how everything is the same no matter where you are in the world with McDonalds because people from the US would cry if they witnessed anything that they didn't recognised (as Steve Fry said 'war was invented to teach the US geography') and at the point a drunk girl turns to me in English and says 'Where you from?' (ooooh dear talking about war..). Then Nati steps in (i love my girlfriend but Argentine girls are the most hysterical women in the world! WARNING dont annoy Argentine women and dont try and talk to there boyfriends) 'HE'S FROM ENGLAND!!!!' Nati forcefully says and gives a look at the girl that could turn her to stone! The poor girl shuffles to one side and looks very very frightened (poor thing...but at this point all i can think of is junk food and sleep...not if a girl was flirting with me) Nati then sits there slagging off the girl all the way through our meal of prosiest beef and chicken. We go get a taxi (just after i almost loose my zippo) get home and fall asleep! Sooooo tired! Next day i sleep till 4 oclock. Great birthday all in all I think! Crap Uni course (which i choose to not go back to cause its useless unless i learn German or French as well), Hard Rock Cafe (hicari dicari bacon chesse burger...and repeat...very good!), Football (jaws theme), huge cake with candle (FIREMAN SAM!) and drinks (dont mess with Argentine women!)

Nati wants to go see a movie about a couple who have a long distance relationship called 'Going the Distance' and i reluctantly say yes thinking this was just going to be one of those chick flicks like 'Bridget Jones' or something like that! I go with Jonas to go get Nati from work and get my first experiences of the Argentine underground. Its not that dissimilar to the London underground (on most lines anyway) but not as big or chaotic (well maybe a little). The trains are covered in graffiti, which implies that the Argentines are the quickest graffiti artists in the world! Just imagine Juan and Roberto (fictional characters before i get asked who they are) and the train stops and they spray, then get on, next station, get off, spay, get back on so on and so forth! Like the trains there are people going up and down trying to sell random wears (DON'T SHOW INTEREST!!!). The buzzer goes off meaning that the doors are closing. It sounds as if someone has just released a nuclear missile! I full expected it to say after it was going to say 'Launch in T minus 20 seconds' and a James Bond villain is sat there laughing saying 'you've failed Mr Bond!' (or maybe my imagination is getting the better of me?!?!) We get off on Florida which is a huge Street full shops, tango dancers and people try to sell me tours around the city because im English (they havent ever stopped doing this btw!) 


We get to Nati's work and collect her and go get a coffee. We go into the most beautiful shopping centre (mall) in the world! Its called Abasto. It has a huge domed ceiling with 18th century art work that looks good enough to be in Paris! You have to understand that Argentina is such a unique city of grand and beautiful buildings and make you feel like your the most important thing there. I'm going to quote Alex James (bassist from blur) autobiography 'Bit of a Blur' (brilliant read so buy it) of his view on the city 'Buenos Aires, Argentina, was a stately and sophisticated city of wide boulevards, grand statuary and chic endroits. It's posher than Paris, in fact, which was all quite surprising.' better than i could of ever said it Mr James! We then go back on the tube and to another mall, which isnt as grand but 10 times bigger, to watch the movie. The movie wasn't that bad and i could relate to the pain of the long distance and so could Nati who cried in a couple of parts. There was a Argentine guy and his Mexican girlfriend sat behind us and unluckily for him she didn't just cry in a couple of parts, she cried at every bloody part loudly and very over dramatic! Was very glad that Nati had handled the movie more controlled than the Mexican. We then went to a little restaurant which Nati had been wanting to take me for months, even before i had even arrived. Its on Bond Street which Nati tells me in the day is like the Camden of BA.  We get to La Cholita and it is very very busy. Soon after sitting down i understand why. The service is excellent and the food is amazing! While eating i look to my left and see a couple next to me drawing on the table in crayon! 'Nati...look...what are they doing? They are gonna get kicked out for that aren't they?' she tells me that La Cholita like you to do it and shows me we have our own crayons! WOWOWOWOW! Thats brilliant! Nati starts drawing arrows with signs on them saying 'I'm with smelly' but i ignore her and continue drawing my Winchester Cathedral! If your in BA you need to go there! Amazing restaurant! La Cholita remember it!

As it gets towards the end of my first month in BA i notice how at home Im starting to feeling at home and its a Bank holiday weekend so me, Nati, Dario and Ana decide to get away from the city. We get on a bus and head to Tigre which is in the province of BA. The bus journey takes about 45 mins and would be completely fine unless the worlds biggest Argentine teenager sits in front of us (almost taking both seats up) and gets herself very very comfy by leaning back and taking what little leg room i had away from me (oooooooowwww). We get off at Tigre (legs killing me) by a stunning river of restaurants, bars and people selling boat trips. We walk slowly up the river chatting and enjoying the sun and it seems so are the rest of BA. We stop at a restaurant and have Asado (Argentine BBQ). Argentines fame themselves that they have the best meat in the world and they are right! Every piece melt in your mouth! I eat way to much and feel like i good walk will get rid of the feeling that i might explode! We walk along the river and sit and relax watching the world go by whist drinking mate (getting used to it now).......we then start to plan trip to Rosario, Surely it cant be better than this...........

September 2010 part 1

September,

In the car coming back from the airport was the first time i really got to see the country where i would be living for the foreseeable future...and first thing i noticed was the drivers! Drivers of Buenos Aires are similar to Paris, London and most North American cities but with the pure intent to get to where they're going as quickly as possible, without anything stopping them (other cars, road rules, red lights, pedestrians, walls, buildings etc)  and i mean anything!!! Walking around Buenos Aires you need eyes in the back (top, sides and bottom) of your head. You can be crossing a road and when you look one way, nothing, the other way, nothing, cross, vvrrroooommmm!!!!! Almost as if it was going to be DeLorean skidding to a halt, behind it flaming tyre tracks and Michael J. Fox and Christopher Lloyd getting out! Great Scott where the heck did that car come from! Surprised more Argentines aren't racing for F1 teams! Also what i notice the difference from the Poor and middle classes. Like most of  Spain, Argentines mostly live in Apartment blocks which unlike England are reasonably affordable. But on the other hand the very very poor live in shanty towns in the city know as 'Villas' (pronounced 'Visha' in Argentina or 'Viyas' in main land Spain). You can be walk down a perfectly normal street and see a Villa. The advise i would give to anyone (tourist or local) is not to go near them. They make it very clear that you are not welcome (like i do when Pompey supporters come sit next to in pubs). I arrive at the apartment still with the worlds worst cold, jet lagged and very happy to be with Nati. We enter the apartment and the entrance is beautiful! Argentine apartment entrances (mostly) are stunning and very welcoming. We get to Nati's apartment and the first thing I'm greeted by is Luna. Luna is the family dog (god knows what breed). Luna is a little bigger than a Jack Russell and is a very very very spoilt dog! Sure in her previous life she was either one of the queens corgis or a child working for Fagin (heard her singing You've got to pick a cheese or two!). Can't leave food alone with her! If there is a way she can get it she will (just imagine the scene in mission impossible where Tom Cruise is hang by a rope...but Luna wont be after information she will be after the parmesan on the table... in fact Tom Cruise and Luna are the same size!). Then i get to meet Nati's dad, Gustavo. As I've mentioned before my Spanish isn't great and Gustavo's English isn't either, but some how we can sit and have conversations that only we can understand! They say that only 22% of communication is by speech and i can now see that. Then i get to meet a very very sleepy Jonas who has just woken up! Jonas is a Radio Presenter and has a great sense of humour! He looks like Jim Morrison (when alive of course) who hasn't shaved for at least 4 weeks! My beard looks gay compared to his! Nati asks if i would like mate (pronounced mat e before any English speakers are thinking 'I do not need to know that' or even worse have switched of the Playboy channel and now reading very close to the screen.....'SHUDDER'). Mate is a very common drink in most South American countries and drunk out of a gourd and through and very decorative straw (which i get told off for calling it a straw and told its a bombilla). It looks like i should be smoking it rather than drink it...sip...oooouchhh hot hot (tip check heat before drinking it like the locals). It tastes unique but bloody lovely! I then give it back to Gustavo and he refills and starts drinking (WARNING! This is a social drink so don't get all screamish and think i could get Duck Flu!!) after my third i think its polite to say thank you 'Gracias' (WARNING!! If you say gracias whilst drinking mate it means you don't want anymore!!) and then sit there and answer questions about my flight. I then think its time to get a cat nap.....then 15 minutes later run to the toilet because I'm going to be sick (WARNING!! If you haven't ever had mate before only have the one to begin with because it will make you very ill! Plus even when you are used to it be warned that it will clear your system...so have a toilet handy...or a fresh pair of underwear and a shovel!). After i sleep for what seems like a second Nati tells me that we are going to go visit her nan. Nati's Nan is a lovely women with a lovely house but is very very cautious! Believes the whole world is out to get her grandchildren! But you will hear some snipets of that as the months go on. She is a great cook. Yummy cakes and sandwiches! We then go home and have empanadas (which can be found in most of South America and Spain, there like Cornish Pasties but with a more exotic feel....well peppers!) they are very very nice and eat one to many. My cold has at this point been made worse because the amount I've smoked and Nati brings out a nebuliser and keeps getting worried asking if i want to go to hospital.

Next morning i wake up at 3am because of the jet lag and feeling very very bloated. The problem with how the Argentines eat is that its much later than the British. They have their dinner at 10pm and then go to bed at about 1am! At 7am Nati wakes up and tells me to get ready for uni. Have a huge feeling this isn't going to go well! We walk up the main shopping part of Villa Del Parque called Cuenca. The only people around are bin men clearing the rubbish and people (from the villas) going through the bins looking for anything they can reuse (toys, metal, food ect) and sometimes sell. The street looks like anywhere in the world. Clothes shops, banks, guitar/music shop, cafes, restaurants, ice cream shop and McDonalds. We get to the train crossing where a diesel train goes past with people sandwiched in and people hanging off the outside of the doors hitching a ride! We buy our ticket when we get to the station for 1 peso (rule of thumb is that there are 7 pesos to the sterling pound). We squeeze on the next train. Their train are what i call interesting (but most British would call scary) there all sorts of people on these things (i would advise tourists to get buses or the tube). There are people walking up and down selling things (Sweets, hotdogs, soft drinks, pens, beer, magnifying glasses, knives....Im not joking knives!) and they put them in your lap if your sat down (tip: dont show interest in them and they will come back and collect them), people on the way to work, very dodgy people who feel they have to stare at you, about 8 security guard (who go around pushing people off who are hanging on the outside) and at least 3 police officers (doing the same as the security). 20 minutes later we get to our stop in Retiro and get a taxi (before i move on there is a huge market outside Retiro and you soon learn where alot of the people in the Villas work....well...the ones that do). The University is a huge building that looks beautiful...well it would do if it wasn't covered in graffiti and posters! Its covered! With political groups, bands, football teams...to much to mention! We go in and Nati tells me that we cant walk through the centre door because its bad luck and you will never graduate (Nati is very superstitious!...i think she was a pirate in previous life! arrrrgggg) i go to my lesson and i am the first one there. Me and Nati speak to the teacher who's first words in English are 'I ...sorry....i....do not......speak....much...English (great start! How are you meant to teach me?) I still there in the lesson not doing much and watch the minutes tick. Leave the lesson very annoyed. Explain to Nati who says how sorry she is and she didn't know. We decide to go and see the Recoleta cemetery (I'm not a Goth please read on!) Its where alot famous people from Argentine history are buried. We walk around behind a group of Japanese tours who feel they have to take a picture of every bloody stone (very funny story about Japanese tourist, while i was in Egypt i went to visit the valley of the kings, go if you can. In the tombs you cant take pictures so while inside the Japanese would race around with face masks on, just in case they caught ancient Egyptian duck flu, knocking everyone flying as they raced around because they cant take pictures. Its was like a grand national...i even started a bookies that day...but anyway) and we get to the grave of Eva Peron (the one from Evita...you know 'don't cry for me Argentina') and start to think how most of these graves are better than how some people live in Argentina (some even have lifts!). Very strange place. Like a city for the dead! We go to Hard Rock cafe and i giggle at how Nati cant say hiccari diccari bacon cheese burger and i start to relax and think maybe this isn't so bad. Got my beautiful girlfriend (who i love), nice family and hard rock at affordable prices. We leave and try and get a taxi...but Nati wants a big taxi?!?!?! We start play fighting as i tell her a taxi is a taxi and try and signal one but Nati keeps looking at her watch and say 'no not that one' after about 30 minute of this (just we are that sad) she calls one. After about 10 minutes she say 'i have a surprise for us'............................................................

....And that people is why I'm in Argentina!!!!!!

Good afternooon people,
This is my first blog and have about 3 months to catch up with my thoughts and ramblings! The under story of why I live in Buenos Aires (without knowing much Spanish at all) is quite simple...well not very but Ill explain! Was Friday 29th February 2008 at about 2100hrs (me thinks). I was working behind the bar of the workmen's club (which is opposite my house in Winchester, England) When a very pretty dark haired, brown eyed girl came in and said 'OHHH MYY GOD YOUR CLIFF!' the girls name was Natalia and had been days before in Paris with my Spanish friend Pablo (hence how she knew my name) we spoke about her time in England and about Argentina. About one hour later she left and we promised we would stay friends! Approx a year later (worked well the staying in touch part) whilst in Murcia, Spain visiting my Spanish friends and enjoying El Bando del la Huerta (when I say enjoying I mean I was incredibly drunk for about a week) I checked my facebook to see that i had a friend request from a very Spanish looking girl...so i added her thinking it must of been some Spanish friend of a friend i had met at the madness of El Bando...but as i was wrong as usual! When i got back to the UK i soon realised it was the very pretty Argentine girl i had met the previous year!


We spoke on-line for about a year and became good friends. On evening in December 2009 she told me that she was coming to visit again in March 2010 so agreed that i would come meet here with my friend from London and bring her back to Winchester! Well...when she came...it happened...whilst watching a Bon Jovi tribute act (which were very good apart from the fact on the lead singer looked anything like any member of the bloody band and the rest looked like a bunch of British guys in there late 30s with wigs on, alcohol issues and who had spend the last 20 years high on pro-plus and vodka-red bull). So the issue was shall we keep things going or end up like Oliver Newton-John and John Travolta and sing about summer (in my case winter/spring) love and then have a race with a guy down a huge concrete gorge and singing awfully catchy songs that even though you hate them you know every word (eg here go back to Argentina and stay friends)? So we chose to live a life of pain and suffering and missing each other with only web cams and mikes as a way of communicating with each other, and the relationship worked and all i could think of was her (and occasionally what to have in my sandwich and if Blur or Radiohead were the better band) so we had a choice. Me move 6500 miles to Buenos Aires or her to move 6500 miles to Winchester...so i moved...left the job, family and friends to fly (very very ill but ill go onto that in a minute or two) to Buenos Aires, Argentina!


First task was to keep it secret from anyone who worked with me or knew people who did (never a good idea to tell a company your leaving before you hand in your notice with them). This incredibly hard when all you want to do every time you have a argument with your colleagues or bosses the first come back that comes to mind is 'F**K YOU I'M MOVING ABROAD IN SEPTEMBER, YOU SAD F**K WHO HAS NEVER BEEN ABROAD TO ANYWHERE WITHOUT A SIGN ON THE RESTAURANTS SAY ENGLISH BREAKFAST SERVED HERE AND KARAOKE ON A THURSDAY AT 9PM!!!' but i kept calm and instead imagined how i would be with my girlfriend for Christmas and they would be doing stupid hours for the Christmas shoppers. Then the other second task was to listen to my friends either praise me for what i was doing or explain to me the obvious (eg 'they speak spanish in Argentina though', What will you do for money', 'what if it doesnt work'.....so on and so forth...to be honest these people/person knows who they/he/she/it are/is and hasn't stopped even when ive been here!!!). The third task was to keep myself busy whilst i was there so i didn't miss her sooooo much (Computer games with frying pans as weapons and a ginger friend who is amazing to chat to about your problems help if your looking for advise). Forth task was to save (not good when you miss someone and want to go out every night and get drunk) Fifth task was to get everything pack and chuck anything that is not important (x box survived!!). Then the day came...good byes said to my family and then my sister and godson/nephew walked me to my gate (my sister lived abroad for two years in the Caribbean so she was/still is my rock). Just before the gate Logan (the godson/nephew) sees a Aston Martin (from one of those completions you get in Gatwick) and wants to go see it, but i have to get my flight so i say 'Uncle Cliff has to go' and gave him a big kiss and said 'look after everyone for me' (seeing i cant look after myself its a joke in itself!) hug my sister who says good luck and start to walk away. I look back to see Logan led on the floor shouting 'NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!' and start cry and cant stop (even though thinking back he only did that cause he wanted to see the car not because i was leaving). I fell asleep crying on the plane to Madrid (this is where you say awwww or think sad b***ard) Madrid Airport is c**p! nothing to do there apart from smoke!.. which isn't good when you have now got yourself soooo down youve now picked up some sort of random flu/cold illness and want to curl up and sleep!!! Whilst in Madrid waiting for 6 hours for my flight (dont ask) i start sneezing/coughing bringing up a rainbow of gunk! A grumpy look Argentine women sat opposite starts looking at me as if i have 'bird' flu and will kill everyone in the airport with my germs and i start to think of my chances ill be start next to her (must be 600 to 1!) and sigh with happiness that it more than likely wont happen! Start queuing for my flight and ring Nati to say Im on my way and watch as everyone looks at me cause im the only englishman there! Get on the plane and get to my seat...and youve guessed it...grumpy old women from earlier sad right next to me! For the next 16 hours she sounded like she was deflating! Every time i coughed/sneezed/ask if i coud squeeze past to go to the loo she sighed and got grumpier and grumpier! Plane lands and i feel even worse but i dont care at this point! The wait is almost over! Im in Buenos Aires! and Nati is right outside!!! turn the corner to customs...no-one in international booth!! Straight though and start waiting for my luggage! Wait.....and wait....and wait! Nothing!!!!!!!!!!! So i ask someone if for help and the tell me if i flew from Rome...wrong belt!When i get there my luggage is looking very very lonely by itself! Get outside and there she is! Grin like a Cheshire cat and i feel on top of the world and in love!....And that people is why I'm in Argentina!!!!!!